Agnostic Extremists Terrorize Idaho


terrorist
A church vandalized by agnostic extremist group Nobody Knows.

A new domestic terrorist group popped up in the quiet town of Blacksfoot, Idaho yesterday, shocking local residents. Three churches were vandalized, with the message “We Know We Don’t Know!” spray-painted everywhere. Damages at First Baptist Church on Park Street were estimated to be $120,000.

According to fliers left at each church, the group calls itself Nobody Knows. They promise to target all those who think they know what, according to Nobody Knows, “We know we don’t know.”

The fliers state the group’s purpose: “Come, believe in nothing. Together we can all not know. Only then can we be together.”

All information about the group was shady and only available on the Internet. According to two web sites, the group was formed after Carl Staveler, a ski instructor at Sun Valley ski resort, claimed to have a series of revelations while skiing alone in deep powder.

He claims to have entered a trance-like state and rapidly computed the meaning of our existence. Before he reached the bottom of the mountain, Staveler had crafted a five-word summation of God: We know we don’t know. For the next three to four hours, according to the web site, he ran around chanting, "We know we don't know" over and over.

Membership in Nobody Knows is estimated to be 50-100. According to a local Blacksfoot detective, the group only recently “popped up on our radar screens.”

The FBI had to develop a new category in response to the Idaho incidents: “Agnostic Extremist Groups.”  A full-scale investigation is underway. Nobody knows where or when Nobody Knows plans to strike again.



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