Jesus always carried a melon scooper. If anyone ever wanted to pluck an eye out to avoid hell--he was there to help

I live in a country that is 85% Christian. And Jesus is by far the most popular dead guy around.

But I think Jesus was an arrogant, psychotic, manic-depressive bastard tyrant! I give him credit for some decent philosophy for his time, but other than that, he was an arrogant, psychotic, manic-depressive bastard tyrant.

Listen to Jesus: If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and throw it away; it is better that you lose one of your member than your whole body be thrown into hell...Matt 5:29-30

Since lust is deemed a sin, just about every Christian should have empty eye sockets. That's a bit worse than wearing a veil, if you ask me. Oh, and without lust, we might not be here. Think about it.

What if early humans had decided to abstain from sex like Christians are taught to do today (until marriage?) Oh yeah, marriage wasn't even invented yet. Bastards were everywhere! Just like on Fox News.

According to the New Testament, Jesus said "Only through me." These three words condemned all non-Christians to an eternity in hell. So don't give me any shit about Jesus as a peace-monger.

He was an unbelievably arrogant tyrant who used absolute power completely unjustly...for he had no proof whatsoever to back up his absurd claim that he's hanging in the sky somewhere as the only portal to an imaginary super-happy everlasting fun time after death.

Please don't blindly judge Jesus solely on the good things he may have said. Judge him as the tyrant he represents today. Please, wake up if you believe in heaven and god. I don't get it. It's fucking stupid. And, more importantly, it's a human weakness that's fucking up the world.

Okay, I claim that Jesus was probably psychotic. Since mental illnesses were adequately defined, millions of people have claimed to be Jesus…including me, four different times (after the first time, I kept my Jesusness to myself). It's a very powerful delusion that has played a huge role in history.

Many of these people were/are very eloquent, intelligent, charismatic, and bursting with enthusiasm. These are characteristics for many manic-depressives, at least during the early stages of mania. And like Jesus, a lot of holy-wannabes have developed large followings, even recently: see here, here, here, and here.. Of course, they're all delusional, like Jesus was.

I think they were mostly psychotic manic-depressives. On the ramp up to delusional mania, I was perfectly sane. I was more creative, energetic, funny, magnetic, witty, charismatic, confident...lots of positives. I used these enhanced qualities for a month or so...mostly to get laid...then the mania would get too intense, leading me to commit myself to the loony bin after becoming delusional.

Practically speaking, manic-depression and the Extraordinary Popular Delusions and the Madness of Crowds are the most logical explanations for Jesus. Miracles are not logical, and to believe accounts from over 2,000 years ago is absurd.

For several years, the James Randi Educational Foundation has offered $1 million to ANYONE "who can show, under proper observing conditions, evidence of any paranormal, supernatural, or occult power or event."

Yet millions of Christians get really excited when somebody happens to make a grilled cheese sandwich that kind of looks like Jesus…and some will even pay to see it. It's pathetic and embarrassing for the human race.

The first gospel of the New Testament was written 40 years after Jesus died.

Consider this: the average life span back then was 40 years at best. It's funny how most people are familiar with how a story can change quickly as it is told by different people—or even the same person, like Mitt Romney. Yet the most absurd stories in history (Christianity, Islam, Mormonism—all religions ) somehow get a free pass.

If you cringe at the idea of Jesus as mentally ill, check out a list of famous manic-depressives (bipolars) and you'll be amazed at the famous people you find.

You'll find Jim Carey, Ben Stiller, Sting, Jimi Hendrix and Beethoven. Even powerful leaders like Winston Churchill. Or extraordinary inventors like Thomas Edison. And a huge list of writers and poets including Charles Dickens, Edgar Allen Poe, Mark Twain, Virginia Wolfe and Ernest HemmingwKay Redfield Jamisonay.

We tend to have a way with words...one study by Dr. Kay Redfield Jamison found that distinguished artists throughout history suffer from manic-depression or depression at a rate 10 to 30 times that of the general population. Jamison claims that as much as 50% of all artists, writers and composers may be manic-depressive.

In case you question her credibility, she is the coauthor of the definitive text on manic-depressive illness, the bible of manic-depression, if you will.

A 10-year study by Dr. Arnold M. Ludwig found that 17% of actors and 13% of poets were/are probably manic-depressive. The rate among the general population is about 2%. Jesus, if you really think about it, had to be an extraordinary actor and poet.

Another study, reported in Psychiatric Times, found that 87% of famous poets experienced psychopathology.

Alright, now for one of my favorite words, "bastard." I love calling Jesus a bastard, because he was one unless you believe in a magical holy semen-shooting ghost (who has appeared only once in history).

Hey, I love bastards. But if Jesus was a bastard, then the cards of Christianity come tumbling down. Say it. "Jesus was a bastard." You know it's true...

He's Not Your Savior. He's Your Psychotic Tyrant. I call Jesus a tyrant because he exercised absolute power in a cruel and unusual way by asserting that if you didn't follow him, live by his rules and "love" him even more than your own family-you'd burn in hell for eternity.

At least the Jews under Hitler weren't threatened by an eternity in hell. Yeah. I just compared Jesus to Hitler. But please keep reading. Throughout history, there is a lot of evidence that many admired and/or notorious leaders suffered from the mental illness I believe afflicted Jesus Christ.

Now, from A Brotherhood of Tyrants: Manic-depression & Absolute Power

"Only a particular type of manic-depressive develops delusions of divinity, and only a small minority of manic-depressives possess the qualifications to succeed in political careers. The dangerous individual is he who belongs to both groups, for he is the stuff of which tyrants are made of."

I found comparing these quotes to be quite interesting:

Jesus (Mathew 10:37): "He who loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and he who loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And he who does not take up the cross and follow me, is not worthy of me."

Napoleon: "Now, if I like somebody and honor him with my trust, I want to be the object of his dominant affection. I don't want to share, do you understand?"

Stalin's daughter: "He wanted no equals...he wanted blind devotion and absolute submission to his will." The author goes on to state: "Perfect obedience was not enough. Stalin wanted to plant all the thoughts in everyone's head."

Hitler: "Whoever fails to obey my orders, will be destroyed. I shall strike as soon as I have so much as a suspicion of their disobedience."

While Hitler may have been a manic-depressive, Winston Churchill almost certainly was. From the (National Alliance on Mental Illness) website:

"Had he been a stable and equable man, he could never have inspired the nation. In 1940, when all the odds were against Britain, a leader of sober judgment might well have concluded that we were finished," wrote Anthony Storr about Churchill's bipolar disorder in Churchill's Black Dog, Kafka's Mice, and Other Phenomena of the Human Mind.

In his book, "The Hypomanic Edge," Johns Hopkins University psychologist John Gardner makes a very convincing case that America is the lone superpower today largely because of manic-depressives and hypomanics. Because we are a nation of immigrants more so than any other country, that means our genes come from ancestors who took a tremendous risk to leave their country to come here.

Manic-depressives and hypomanics take risks at a highly disproportionate level compared to the general population. The U.S. economy has been hurt by the home mortgage crisis-because people took risks. Japan, however, is a country with a history of very few immigrants. The Japanese economy has been slowed because most citizens make ultra-conservative investments and save much more of their money than Americans.

An excerpt outlining some of the manic-depressives and hypomanics in America who played large roles in our history: http://www.hypomanicedge.com/excerpt/7.htm

The Hypomanic Edge: The Link Between (a Little) Craziness and (a Lot of) Success in America

"Christopher Columbus discovered America; prophets such as John Winthrop, Roger Williams, and William Penn populated it; Alexander Hamilton was one of a handful of men who conceived its national future and economic potential; Andrew Carnegie sparked an industrial revolution that led to mass production; the Selznick and Mayer families helped create Hollywood, usher in the age of mass media, and portray a national self-image; and Craig Venter cracked our genetic code, the implications of which are only beginning to be fathomed."

If the bible is a highly embellished story with a depiction of Jesus that is mostly true, except for the supernatural aspects, Jesus probably used his manic energy, charisma, creativity and inspirational qualities to attract a large following.

A likely outcome is this: Jesus became hypomanic and inspired many people who fell for his outrageous claims as the only son of god. Then, Jesus became manic, and suddenly it was apparent to everyone that he was nuts. This probably didn't go over too well with all the people who were led to believe that Jesus could save them.

Now let's take a look at musicians. Like Jesus and the leaders mentioned above, many inspire millions with words, they just add music. A popular musician has a tremendous financial incentive (not to mention the stigma) to avoid any suspicion of mental illness. A tour, for instance, involves a lot of insurance.

With the employment of dozens of people and the great advance expenditures involved...an admitted manic-depressive can destroy his or her band's ability to obtain insurance. Axl Rose, for instance, didn't show up for a Guns 'n Roses concert. He was diagnosed as bipolar and now he's undependable for planning an expensive tour.

Guns n' Roses was arguably the most popular rock band of the 80s. It's very hard to argue that Nirvana, fronted by another absolutely confirmed untreated manic-depressive (with ADHD like me, too) wasn't the most popular and influential band of the 90s. Finally, Radiohead has widely been called the best band in the world in recent years. Thom Yorke admitted that he was hypomanic during the OK Computer tour.

"Yorke's insecurities reached dangerous heights after touring in support of "OK Computer." He filled dozens of notebooks with frenetic writings, unable to stop, slow down or return to normal life. He learned that his condition had a name, hypomania, a condition marked by periods of heightened mood, word fluency, thought acceleration and creative output."

Kurt Cobain's cousin, a nurse: "Kurt was diagnosed at a young age with Attention Deficit Disorder [ADD], then later with bipolar disorder [also known as manic-depression]…" Cobain provides a relatively recent example of how the media fails miserably when it comes to understanding manic-depression.

Cobain's death was reported in the mainstream media as simply a drug addiction-related suicide. Is it not relevant that his cousin knew that he was an untreated manic-depressive? Up to 20% of manic-depressives commit suicide. Shouldn't that have been reported?

Manic-depression for any artist can be explained away by the notion that artists are just being creative, and one can be manic-depressive but with a mostly advantageous symptom set (some bipolars never get depressed, some are depressed 95% of the time and others fall anywhere in between).

While it's a given that we can never know for sure who Jesus really was or perhaps if he even existed, I strongly believe that if the New Testament is even marginally accurate, Jesus was one of my brothers in madness.