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Clinton, Obama Scramble to Avoid The Gay Black Jew's Endorsement
It's been a hectic week here at The Gay Black Jew. Dozens of phones have been ringing almost non-stop and we've rarely had time to eat my special pink bagels topped with fried chicken skin. Last week, the Clinton and Obama campaigns devoted at least a dozen staff members each in an effort to prevent an endorsement by The Gay Black Jew. At one point, a Hillary supporter screamed on the phone after I said I liked her universal health care plan. "But Obama's black! He might even be gay! Hillary has over 60 years of experience being white!" Obama's people talked a lot about his white mother from Kansas. They emphasized how white she is, even sending pictures of her that were obviously altered. Only dead white people can look that white. Even Michelle Obama called, claiming that her husband "is not a real black man." Then there were numerous calls made by each campaign emphasizing their candidate's deep Christian faith. These calls were the most persuasive, yet I had little choice. I remembered Obama mentioning that he questioned his faith in the past...maybe he'll question it again! Maybe he'll embrace the warm glow of godlessness! No, that would be political suicide. According to 2006 Rasmussen poll, 60% of Americans would never vote for a well-qualified atheist for president. So any atheist with political ambitions must pretend to believe in Jesus--who The Gay Black Jew believes was a psychotic, manic-depressive bastard tyrant. It's depressing. So: He's not gay, he's not a Jew, but he's black, and that'll do. The Gay Black Jew endorses Barack Obama.
Finally, as a former editor of the Harvard Law Review, Obama is twelve times smarter than Bush, according to my rough calculations. © 2005 theGayBlackJew.com |
