A nuke, lust for death and delusions are usually a bad combination

An enormous explosion in the mountains of Pakistan yesterday was confirmed to be a low-yield nuclear device.

It was triggered in a remote area that CIA officials have confirmed as the location of a massive al-Qaeda meeting.

Ironically, U.S. aircraft were “within ten minutes of attacking the meeting,” according to Defense Secretary Gates.

While there is intense suspicion that the U.S. or another country dropped the nuke and doesn’t want to admit it, other signs point to a different explanation.

First of all, the CIA knew that al-Qaeda had stolen a small nuclear warhead from inside sources in the Pakistani military on Sunday.

Perhaps more importantly, Islamic scholars working for the CIA believe that bin Laden’s group used a radical interpretation of the Koran, detonating the nuke for mass martyrdom. Under this scenario, al-Qaeda believed they would bring their savior Muhammad al-Mahdi down from heaven to lead all Muslims in a global jihad to rule the world with heaven on earth.

That hasn’t happened yet. Surprisingly, several sources in the White House expressed serious concern for the President. They think that, like many serious Christians, Bush may interpret it as a sign of Armaggedon.

He may be dreaming with the same certainty he had about the Iraq war that Jesus will come down from the sky and reward him for all his good deeds with an eternity in Heaven.

According to one source, “He’s so glad that al-Qaeda could be destroyed and bursting with glee that Jesus might whisk him up to heaven any moment. But he seems confused, because he even mentioned that he might be Jesus. Although he calls himself “the decider,” apparently he hasn’t decided yet. "He says that if he is Jesus, he doesn't know what to do."

Today, a group of Fundamentalist Christians plans to march in front of the White House with signs reading “Burn in Hell, Non-Christians!”

The small nuclear device is believed to have also killed 3 elderly, terminally ill patients at a local cave hospital.

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