Bin Laden has exchanged Allah for John Lennon..

“Al-Qaeda will never strike again,” the most notorious man in the world said in a tape released yesterday.

“I urge everyone in the world to stop, think, and realize that there is no invisible man,” bin Laden said, alongside four followers holding flowers.

“I and my followers have been incredibly stupid, violent, arrogant and oppressive,” bin Laden continued.

“This will go on no longer. As a sign of peace, al-Qaeda is carving a gigantic face of John Lennon on a beautiful Afghan mountainside.

“John Lennon was bold enough in his classic song, ‘Imagine,’ to call for an end to all religion. Listen to his words. If anyone is worthy of worship, it is John Lennon.”

Bin Laden reportedly was transformed by a clip of "Imagine" on youtube, displayed at the end of this story.

Bin Laden's video was deemed authentic because he mentions the Democratic majority in Congress.

He also seemed to be affected by Al Gore. “I urge everyone to use less electricity, drive more fuel-efficient cars, recycle, plant trees, be friends of the earth and listen to Al Gore,” bin Laden forcefully declared.

“Any radical Muslim who blows himself up dies. That’s it. There is no heaven and there are no virgins. And other people die tragic deaths. It is barbaric, evil, pointless and will no longer be tolerated. My brothers, don’t blow yourself up. Do some volunteer work instead. Help the elderly in nursing homes.

“And stop denying yourself pleasures because this is the only life you have. Masturbate without guilt. Get drunk and high. Try some fried pork rinds. Have sex, but use a condom. And most importantly, learn how to eat pussy.  

“Oh yeah, sorry about the Twin Towers and all that stuff. My staff will be sending out greeting cards with my sincerest apologies immediately.”

With that, bin Laden offered a peace sign and encouraged everyone to watch the John Lennon video that radically changed his views. It is displayed below.

IMAGINE...