LOS ALAMOS, NM—Top secret documents leaked from Los Alamos Laboratory in New Mexico indicate that a new weapon is under development that could destroy God. The information leaked yesterday shows that several top scientists at the laboratory have been working on a non-government sponsored project that involves lasers and electromagnetic pulse weapons. 

Once god is dead, we can all fucking live happily ever, with no delusion of an after.

According to the scientists, God’s location was discovered by an amateur astronomer two months ago. They claim that His primary residence is on the planet Jupiter, where He enjoys watching Satellite TV during most of His waking hours. All of His actions that affect our planet are done through telepathy, emotion and hand gestures.

For instance, Hurricane Katrina occurred when God found out that “Da Ali G Show” wouldn’t have a third season on HBO. God unleashed his fury without even getting off his divine couch. It was, according to the leaked documents, simply an aggressive and frustrated scream, accompanied by massive arm movements, much like Rush Limbaugh’s sick and exaggerated portrayal of the Michael J. Fox stem-cell research ad.

God’s anger, as we all know, led to the hurricane that killed more than 1,000 mostly poor residents of New Orleans. But then God found You-Tube and he was delighted with His ability to find clips of his favorite Borat and Ali G moments at any time. The weather improved, and once he saw a pirated version of “Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Great Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan,” God seemed to be very pleased.

But the elite group of scientists involved in the KILL GOD project feel that God will remain a threat to all humans until he is destroyed. One thing is for certain: God has a mood disorder, probably manic-depression, which may be accompanied by obsessive-compulsive disorder. One meteorologist who is a consultant to the Los Alamos team of scientists predicts that without God, the weather could be much better and more predictable…allowing thousands of lives to be saved in the future, if God is killed.

The weapons being developed intend to do just that. The laser weapon goes by the name “Sam Harris,” while the electromagnetic pulse weapon is called “Richard Dawkins.” A final weapon under consideration involves launching a space vehicle with 10-20 gay black Jewish astronaut/soldiers to Jupiter, where they would engage in hand-to-hand combat with the Almighty God. Religious leaders around the world declined to comment for this story.

Note: Look out! My dogs 'aint afraid to fight...

Richard Dawkins Explains God in 33 seconds: