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If you pick your nose with a tissue, are you picking your nose? Tomatoes taste like rancid watermelons.

Some of the guys who bag groceries don't just bag groceries. Soon, everything will contain peanuts. Yellow #6 is actually orange. I don't have a computer chip in my head, but...

Note: The last four sentences in the preceding paragraph are titles from my Conspiracy Theorist Column.

Finally, Go to Hell With The Gay Black Jew!

Editor: Jeff Matheny

Contributing Editor: John Curtis, Editor of The Giant Napkin.