I’m not gay—and I’m neither black nor Jewish. But I’ve been called “The Gay Black Jew.” My friends gave me this nickname a long time ago because I objected to their repeated slurs against gays, blacks and Jews. They couldn’t understand why I was insulted by remarks that didn’t apply to me. I couldn’t understand how I could have such mean friends.

I wish I could say that a majority of Americans in my position would have felt the same way I did, and had the balls to say it out loud. But in your typical private, small-group-of-friends context, I’m afraid that would be naïve. My nickname endured with a superb catchphrase:

“Oy Vey, Yo.”

That was pretty funny, I had to admit. And it gets to the root of why more than a few of my friends still use inflammatory and derogatory terms. As one of these friends confided later after many beers, “It’s just funny. It’s not right, it’s not good. But sometimes, it’s just funny. Just fucking, fucking funny.”

I don’t believe that any of my friends ever actually hated gays, blacks or Jews. The offending words were charged, like “fuck” or “shit,” and maybe their taboo status lent them a rebellious appeal.

But discriminating words can only foster and help legitimize more discrimination. And discrimination, like leaving piss on public toilet seats, violates the Golden Rule, the most basic human ethical code.

Ironically, Christianity—which claims to have invented the Golden Rule—is the main source of discrimination in the U.S.. Not only did Christianity not invent the Golden Rule, (it was recognized by almost every other world religion) and also derived independently by Greek philosophers.

A 1997 U.S. News & World Report poll found that 66% of Americans believe that Jesus will physically return some day as their literal savior. I think JC was a psychotic tyrant whose corpse was eventually eaten by maggots more than 2,000 years ago.

My experiences have convinced me that Jeus, as depicted in the bible, was most likely a manic-depressive like me. It's certainly not a very popular belief, and combined with being an outspoken atheist, I feel about as mainstream as a gay black Jew among Christians.

With my combined six psychotic episodes --I’ve spent about nine months of my life with the delusion that I was Jesus (oh, the irony)--which is actually pretty common for us manic-depressives.

I know two others who had the same savior delusion. But the real kicker for me is when I read His words. The Jesus character’s pompous style and propensity for bad metaphor sealed the deal for me.

I outline my case in the Religion section, particularly with my controversial essay, “I'm Like Jesus...Except I'm Not a Bastard or a Tyrant," the non-fiction horror short story "Holographic Jesus and Me" and my light-hearted “Jesus, I’m Tired of Thinking I’m Jesus.”

My complex and controversial views are best understood by watching my 8-second animated video below:

See? Don't be afraid. It's just The Gay Black Jew...

But wait--people are afraid. According to a Gallup poll , 52% of Americans would never vote for a well-qualified atheist for president. For perspective, 38% wouldn't vote for a well-qualified Muslim for president.

As George H.W. Bush put it in 1988, " I don't know that atheists should be regarded as citizens, nor should they be regarded as patriotic. This is one nation under God."

Fuck that. God wasn’t even in the U.S. Pledge until 1954.

Millions of Christians who go to church think they’re not racist, but just below the surface, their Jesus-inspired judgments lead to a tremendous amount of subtle discrimination.

How can Christians be expected to be tolerant and compassionate toward gays or Jews when they are taught that gays and Jews will burn forever in Hell? And that doesn’t even cover their discrimination against “sinners.”

Think about the staggering guilt-generating impact of the Christian emphasis on so-called “family values.” No cursing. No masturbating. No revealing clothing. No recreational drugs (except alcohol). No conspicuous consumption. No premarital sex. No oral sex. No contraception. No anal sex. (Sex only allowed for the purposes of procreation). No cohabitation. No divorce. No affairs. No abortions. No right to control the circumstances of one’s own death.

Some of this “values morality” is from the Bible and some of it is not. Some churches are more relaxed about it than others. But each church acts as if their policy came straight from the Almighty and can never be questioned.

Go to church on Sunday. Even if you don't listen to the priest and you check your watch every two minutes, your ass will eventually begin to throb from the hard wooden bench. It’s hard to be non-judgmental when you’re in physical pain. It’s hard to be compassionate when your faith includes so much judgment. Then there’s that cheery “end-of-the-world” cataclysm to kill sinners and unbelievers—while you eagerly await your clean escape to heaven on “Judgment Day.” 

Who gets hurt by such mean-spirited fantasies? Since the list of “sins” trumpeted with fire-and-brimstone touches nearly everyone, it’s not just the sinners, but the Christians themselves. It is very difficult to separate judgments one is supposed to make of oneself and judgments one makes of others. They end up with a jaundiced view of both.

For example, when a Christian who is against abortion meets a woman who admits having had an abortion, they will treat her with reduced dignity. They will look similarly askance at someone who had children out of wedlock. Or an openly gay man. Or an 18-year-old teenage girl who takes birth control pills. Or a 12-year-old boy who gets caught masturbating. And on, and on. Such alleged sins are so widespread that nearly everyone is condemned and judged on some pretext, and therefore everyone is in need of Christian redemption. Clever.

Some judgments are necessary, of course. That is why we have laws. But we don't have very good laws. All laws should pass the 100% enforcement test: Would 100% enforcement be good for society or bad? For example, if every marijuana smoker were arrested tomorrow, productive citizens who now contribute tax dollars would suddenly become a drain on the government. The entertainment industry (among others) would crumble. Millions of families would be destroyed—and for what?

Conversely, if all murderers could be jailed tomorrow, society would dramatically improve. The same would be true for robbery, bribery, corruption, rape and many other crimes where actual harm is done. Judgments carried out by a state or federal authority should be based on this kind of common sense, grounded in the realities of evolutionary psychology, reciprocity, and universality (what’s permitted for me is permitted for you, too)—rather than the views and moral judgments of a particular religion.

A scary number of people still demand a literal interpretation of the bible’s repressive, ignorant, racist, homophobic and sexist prose. Vestigial sodomy laws in Virginia are a prime example of how Christianity has hijacked common sense. This despite the fact that the Supreme Court has ruled that sodomy laws are unconstitutional. Even co-habitation and adultery are illegal in Virginia, as is the sale of sex toys in Alabama, and the conduct of contact (lap) dances in Las Vegas to name just a few. That's absurd, and Christianity—in absolutely every one of these examples—is to blame.
 
I have a friend, (a married high-school guidance counselor), who enjoys having a romantic candlelight dinner with his wife, followed by a long session of hot anal sex. He enjoys it and his wife does too. If he lived in Virginia, however--and police were to barge in on a false report--(as happened to the defendants in Lawrence and Garner v. Texas)--two responsible married Americans could face five years in jail for an intimate and loving sex act they carried out consensually in their own home. Why? Who is being harmed? Who is being protected by such laws? Certainly nobody on Earth.

In sum, a Christian is led by the very tenets of their religion to judge and look down on others. That they judge themselves equally harshly is no consolation. It’s sad but well within a Christian’s constitutionally protected rights to walk around with terrible self-condemnation. Where it becomes a social issue is when that judgment extends beyond their own sorry selves to affect not only those in their immediate vicinity, but an entire culture.

GAYS

"If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have committed a detestable act. They must be put to death." --Leviticus 18:22

In spite of this biblical prohibition, between 20 and 50 percent of the 42,000 priests in America are gay.

The only gay man I ever befriended really touched me. No, not in a physical sense, but it still had a profound effect. He confided in me later that before he told me he was gay, he was mentally prepared for me to punch him in the face (!).

Here was this nice, smart guy who was totally prepared for another guy, whom he presumably considered nice and smart also, to go ballistic and turn from friend to face-basher in seconds. It had to have happened to him before. What kind of pain does that cause? I’m lucky, because I’ll never know.

This guy was ten years older than any other student in our journalism class, balding, Jewish and he had a nervous tic that made his head and neck spasm. In class, every ten minutes or so, he looked like he was trying to shake water out of his ears. He had a gay-sounding voice that made me suspicious the first time I heard him speak.

But he was confident, compassionate, intelligent and assertive. He was the only student to get an A in our Advertising Campaigns class. I got a B. And he inspired me to not dwell on my own stigma as a mental patient with plenty of frequent flyer miles.

The fact that he was prepared for me to hit him just because he was gay says a lot about homophobia today. It is thriving in an atmosphere of intolerance perpetuated by religious and Republican bastards—who have the audacity to stake a claim to a higher moral ground that defies all sociological and psychological studies on homosexuality.

The idea that sexual preference is a choice boggles my mind. If it were a choice, I would have chosen to be bisexual a long time ago. It's simple: more options = more sex.

But physical attraction is not a learned behavior. It’s not like getting potty-trained or learning how to ride a bike. And it’s certainly not like voting in an election. I don’t understand how millions could believe that at some point a gay guy decides, “I’ve weighed my options, and I’m going to be gay. All the popular guys at school are doing it. I will now find a penis and hairy scrotum to be both stimulating and exciting. The muscular chest of a guy will now make me horny!” Just a snap of the fingers, and bam! Gay! It's that easy! This kind of vile and presumptuous nonsense isn’t even worthy of debate.

It also pisses me off that a lot of straight men are suspected of being gay just because they voice support for gay rights. That’s happened to me several times, and it’s uncomfortable—as if there were no such thing as impersonal principles or inherent rights.

It’s always struck me as strange when heterosexuals are so bothered by the idea of gay sex or marriage. It smacks of sexual insecurity—as if they were afraid someone might find out that straight married life wasn’t so great after all. One of the recurring favorite hetero charges against gays is that they’re promiscuous. Again, it’s hard to see why a straight person with a good sex life would care.

So why do Christians want to deny happiness to gays and lesbians? Why greet someone’s honest and vulnerable declaration of their sexual identity with a punch to the face? Because of Jesus and the Bible, that's why. Many Christians believe that they know what is best for everyone, and that includes only heterosexual marriage, lots of kids, and no abortions.

Millions of Christian, heterosexual Republicans are motivated to vote solely by these two issues—abortion and gay marriage—yet they have no appreciable effect on their lives. But these two issues have affected my life, because they are why my country re-elected the most incompetent president in its history in 2004.

And consider this: a 2003 Pew Research poll found that 52% of Americans would never vote for a well-qualified atheist for president. So it looks like we’re stuck with presidents who at least claim to be Christian for the foreseeable future...

Christianity and ignorance are the backbones of American homophobia, anti-Semitism and many forms of behavior-based discrimination and intolerance. Sure, there are millions of nice and tolerant people who go to church and many churches do a lot of good in their communities by helping the poor.

But in putting their money in the collection basket—only a small amount of which actually reaches the poor—they are perpetuating these private, unaccountable, and intolerant institutions. Why not just give the money to publicly accountable charities, or loan it directly to people in the developing world who are trying to help themselves?

Do caring Americans really want their money to go to building a bigger church or paying the car payments for a sexually-frustrated and confused man or buying more holy bling-bling—like goblets made of gold, or rubies for the priest’s gown—or a new statue of the make-believe psychotic tyrant-Jesus?

Think of the worldwide legacy of the church. Right now, gays and lesbians can be arrested simply for being themselves in much of Africa. Half of the members of the Anglican Church reside in Africa as a result of intense missionary efforts over many years.

Now, remarkably, as American Anglicans improve their treatment of gays, African Anglicans are coming to America to preach against tolerance for homosexuality within the Anglican churches in the U.S. It is an ignorant cycle of discrimination based on the bible. There’s no way to argue otherwise.

But a key difference between the racist, sexist homophobes who wrote our Constitution and the racist, sexist homophobes who wrote the Bible is simple. At least one of the men behind the words in the bible was also psychotic, in the opinion of The Gay Black Jew. Yeah, that guy. He’s a big target on the Religion section of this site.

Today, a politician can go down for comments that are racist, sexist or homophobic. He or she can even go down because someone else was nice enough to go down on them. Many conservatives fondly look back at “the good old days,” when it was often acceptable to bash gays, blacks and Jews. Hell, Nixon hated Jews to the point that he demanded a list of all Jews in high government positions. That was less than forty years ago.

The fact that conservatives remain in love with the past is why you hear ugly comments slip out of the mouths of conservatives like Senator Tom Coburn (R-Ok), William Bennett, Bill O’Reilly, Tom Delay, Rush Limbaugh and many others. They complain that the Supreme Court should strictly interpret the words of our racist, homophobic and sexist founding fathers. How pathetic…

That’s like taking a college student today and telling him, “Follow all the beliefs that your great great great grandfather had. It doesn’t matter if you’re smarter than he was, it doesn’t matter what we’ve learned since he died and it doesn’t matter if he was wrong. He had some good ideas and it is the family tradition. Now go wash your feet in this bucket of goat urine, like a good O'Connor does.”

An estimated 5% of the U.S. population is gay

According to the FBI:

In 2006, 1,443 hate crimes were committed against homosexuals or bisexuals.
(About 1 in 10,395 of the gay population)

In 2006, 29 hate crimes were committed against heterosexuals.
(About 1 in 9,827,586 of the straight population)

Gays are about 945 times more likely than straights to be victims of a hate crime.

BLACKS

“However, you may purchase male or female slaves from among the foreigners who live among you.  You may also purchase the children of such resident foreigners, including those who have been born in your land.  You may treat them as your property, passing them on to your children as a permanent inheritance...” –Leviticus 25:44-46 NLT:

“Slaves, obey your earthly masters with deep respect and fear.  Serve them sincerely as you would serve Christ.” –Ephesians 6:5 NLT:

It seems clear to me that the set of “Christian values” that our country was founded upon openly endorsed slavery. That history of slavery has contributed and will contribute to racism for years to come…and well-meaning Christians saw nothing wrong with treating black men, women and children like animals for many years…

When I had a part-time job for a travel magazine while in college, I worked in the office of the publisher. He was almost a mentor for me, and we would take smoke breaks together. One day, he was reading through some resumes to fill an opening for a graphic designer. He picked up one resume, and announced that the woman listed a membership in the National Association of Black Journalists. My boss then snickered, and threw the resume in the trash. I guess he just assumed that because I was white, I must be racist like him. A man whom I had looked up to suddenly became really small.

Though a shadow of its former self, today’s KKK, for all its ignominious history, considers itself to practice legitimate Christian theology. Not unlike rabid gay-basher Fred Phelps, the KKK claims a biblical mandate. The largest remaining chapter in Arkansas is headed up by Thomas Robb, a Baptist minister who considers race-mixing “satanic.”

As Sam Harris has noted, these extremist groups adhere to the scriptures far more closely and literally than more moderate liberal churches. Still, millions of white Americans who go to ordinary churches think they’re not racist. But just below the surface, their Jesus-inspired judgments lead to conclusions like these: too many black men have kids but don’t become their fathers; too many black men commit crimes; too many black men are involved in ungodly forms of entertainment like rap music; too many black people don’t take education seriously, too many (70%) of black children in the U.S. are born out of wedlock…too many black people aren't like us.

This leads to the worst kind of racism—the hidden variety that leaves black people unsure whether you’re racist or not…leading to a distrustful attitude for many blacks toward all white people. And it's mainly because of these silent Christian bigots. Try taking the Implicit Association test for race. I did, and it reported "a slight automatic preference for white compared to black." This is the norm for our society. You have to look at pictures really fast, and the test forces you to react rather than think. As reported in the Washington Post, the psychologists who developed the test found that "almost everyone harbors what might be termed 'ordinary prejudice.'

Please carefully consider these quotes from the article:

"By measuring the speed with which people make mental associations, the psychologists found that biases affect even those who actively resist them."

"When things are more strongly paired in our minds, we can respond to them more quickly. Large numbers of Americans cannot as swiftly make the association between 'black' and 'good' as they can 'white' and good.'"

Apparently, my unconscious mind has been infected with too many news reports involving blacks and criminal behavior. That is why, like most Americans who take the test, I scored as I did. For some funny and enlightening examples of unconscious racism, please visit blackpeopleloveus.com.

Many white Americans, including myself, despise the shallow materialism of most rap and hip-hop artists. Most songs seem to be about bling, money, booty or guns. I think this is a result of the history of blacks in America. They went hundreds of years not only without the “finer things,” but many didn’t have things at all. No possessions. And white guys used to beat the shit out of black men just for looking at a white woman half a second too long. The black man couldn't do anything. He was guilty of whatever crime any white man chose to accuse him of.

I’ll never forget one time when I was manic and walking through a massive, deserted parking garage at night. I saw a group of three black guys 18-20 years old, dressed somewhat thug-like. If I had been mildly depressed, like I usually am, I would have tried to act casual and unafraid. I probably would have made eye contact and given a slight nod (I don’t know why I do this to black men, but Larry David once admitted doing the same as if “to show that I’m not one of the bad ones.”)

But given my vibrant confidence and perceived connection with my “true self,” I acted exactly how I wanted to act. There were no complicating emotions like white guilt and safety concerns. White guilt becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy at times. I can be so preoccupied with trying to send the right discrimination-free signals that the resulting awkwardness sends exactly the wrong message, in a subtle way. I hate that. I overanalyze in these situations and it removes the natural respect and friendly demeanor I try to project to everyone. Some white people overcompensate, doing and saying things they would never say to another white person. That can be interpreted as racism too.

So I asked the group of young black men if they knew where the elevators were, and they eagerly pointed the way. It seems like an insignificant encounter, but I think it says a lot about how race relations can be improved. It’s very simple: treat every individual with respect and allow him or her to have a clean slate until they dirty that slate. Then, restrict that dirty slate to that individual, where it belongs.

In 2000 , twice as many black women graduated from college as black men. I asked myself why. The answer? I think it’s because white people aren’t scared of black women. The expectations people have for your behavior influence your behavior...consciously and unconsciously. On a massive scale, this process is tremendously destructive to the minds it targets.

For example, when the son of a doctor grows up surrounded by friends and family expecting him to become a doctor, he's more likely to conform to the expectations of others and go to medical school. Likewise, if a young black kid grows up around people who don't expect much out of him, and he's constantly exposed to white people who expect him to be a criminal, he's more likely to meet those expectations.

I would add to this that because so many white people are racist but pretend not to be, the average black person repeatedly has his trust violated. Growing up, he or she is likely to have many encounters with white people who seem perfectly nice at first. A certain trust is established, a feeling that you know each other.

Then bam! Some remark, gesture or action shines a spotlight on the true racist attitude of the white person. This experience is repeated until it creates an understandable level of suspicion of every white person encountered. Such a series of disappointments can foster a negative attitude toward all white people, sometimes justifiably, as a protective mechanism.

White people can’t relate to what African-Americans have gone through. I certainly can’t, but I try. When you consider the years of injustice and material deprivation in so many forms, it almost seems natural when virtually every rap video is crammed with expensive cars, jewelry, and booty-shaking women. In a way, it’s refreshingly honest. If whites had had to endure slavery, decades of Jim Crow, the KKK, public lynchings and heaven knows what else, while black people built untold power and wealth and kept control of the government, it’s pretty clear white society en masse would be worse off than the lowest Cops trailer trash you’ve ever seen.

I talked about this to a black man named Richard Lucas at a bar in D.C. in late November, 2005. He was a very wise man, one month away from retirement. We shared an affinity for Carl Jung, and talked about Christianity and race relations for two hours. This man blew me away. Some choice quotes from Mr. Lucas, as he spoke in to my digital recorder:

"As a black man, my thoughts are: Christianity needs to be seriously reevaluated by its participants. Because white people go to white churches, black people go to black churches and other people go to other churches. If Christianity was such a great thing, there would be more assimilation in individual congregations."

My favorite: "There is a thread. A very slender thread, that runs through all of us. It's every man's responsibility to be able to see that thread as a reflection in each one of us. If we can't see that thread, we're doomed...If you can't see that thread, you're in the wrong fucking church....Everyday I see somebody who understands that thread...I see that thread in you."

12.3% of U.S. population is black
In 2004, 3,475 hate crimes targeted blacks

75.1% of U.S. population is white
In 2004, only 1,027 hate crimes targeted whites

Blacks are 20.8 times more likely than whites to be the victim of a hate crime

JEWS

Jews seem to be doing quite well, with nothing keeping them down. Unfortunately, that’s not true. Their accomplishments in many areas that make our country great have happened in spite of stubborn strains of anti-Semitism that often operate in the background of our society.

Christianity is the dominant religion in the U.S. (85% of Americans identify themselves as Christian) and most Christians do not hate Jews. But some fervent believers still hold a grudge against all Jews because they believe that Jews killed Jesus. And anyone who doesn’t accept Jesus as their savior, which includes all Jews, is doomed to Hell, according to Christian beliefs.

Isn’t it ironic that Jesus was a Jew and yet his words are used to persecute his people? Would that make Jesus proud? Would Mel Gibson make Jesus proud? Could anything make Jesus proud? No, because he died a long time ago—if he ever existed—and one has to exist to feel any emotion. I learned that when I dissected a frog in my tenth grade biology class.  

Even in the 21st century Jews still have Close Encounters of the Christian Kind, where some underlying animosity percolates inside a Christian—like Mel Gibson. I suspect that it can leave a Jew wondering, “Oh yeah, I’m one of the guys who descended from one of the guys who might have been one of the guys who killed the guy you worship.”

That’s not a good foundation for tolerance and understanding. When you are taught that all Jews are going to Hell, it’s relatively easy to perceive Jews as bad people. Good people, after all, don’t go to Hell, right? Actually, according to Jesus, you can be the best person in the world, but if you don’t stroke his massive ego, you go straight to Hell.

“Only through me,” he famously said. Jesus Christ! What a delusional, egotistical, psychotic tyrant. He also demanded that you love him above all others in your life (family, spouse, kids, etc.) And how exactly were all our sins washed away by his death? Quite frankly, that's insane. It makes absolutely no sense. And it's not healthy to believe in things that make absolutely no sense. It’s actually a good ticket to the loony bin—trust me on this one.

Back to Jews…my family has had the same cleaning lady once a week for more than 25 years. She’s a nice woman and she likes it when I take a smoke break with her. But she won’t shop at one of our local grocery stores because, “It’s run by Jews.” This is coming from a white woman with little education, but still. She also has a “Jesus Saves” bumper sticker on her truck.

In my opinion, Jesus was a role model for intolerance, not tolerance. Every Sunday, some churchgoer stops saying Hi to another churchgoer because this person got divorced, had an affair or engaged in some other behavior eligible for derision by uptight and judgmental Jesusheads.

Then there’s Christmas. Think of how a young Jew feels in a town today where there aren’t many Jews. This Jew may go to school where Christmas carols are sung, presents are exchanged, and the town is decked out in Christmas regalia.

His or her friends talk about what’s on their Christmas list and what they’re buying each other. It’s easy for such a Jew to feel pressured into Christianity. Then in college, a Christian group tries to convert the Jew. One good thing about Judaism is that at least Jews don’t run around trying to convert people. But I think that any religion can automatically spark an “us vs. them” mentality.

If you think my depiction of modern American anti-Semitism is overblown, you may only be thinking of anti-Semitism that is expressed publicly. Most people are smart enough never to do that (except Mel Gibson). But if you pay close attention to little details, anti-Semitism is alive and well.

When Bill O'Reilly attacks the secular-progressive movement, in many ways he's hiding behind a term to lash out at Jews. When Bill O'Reilly goes on a rant about the "liberal media," to some extent he's targeting Jews. When Mr. Bill calls Comedy Central “Secular Central” he means Jews (Comedy Central is largely controlled by Jews).

1.3% of U.S. population is Jewish

In 2004, 1,076 hate crimes were committed against Jews

Catholics represent 24.5% of U.S. population

In 2004, only 68 Catholics were victims of a hate crime

A Jew is 298 times more likely than a Catholic to be the victim of a hate crime

CONCLUSIONS

GOD: Still Keeping it Totally Unreal!

How can mankind make progress with a rusty anchor in the past?

With religion, we can’t.

As long as the bible continues to exert such a stranglehold on modern concepts of morality, we can't.

As long as Jesus continues to keep progressive politicians in a full-nelson...forced to vote against their beliefs simply to appease the Christian voters needed for re-election, we can't.

As long as being an atheist is generally frowned upon, we can’t.

As long as there are children going to church that are told by a sexually frustrated man that a city was destroyed because of sodomy, we can’t.

As long as there are children going to church who are taught to judge people for having premarital sex, getting a divorce, giving birth to sons and daughters out of wedlock or using foul language, we can’t.

As long as there are children going to church that are taught that Jews killed their hero Jesus, we can’t.

The Gay Black Jew knows that good people come in all shapes, sizes, religions, races and ethnicities. If you listen to the words of John Lennon’s timeless, atheist anthem, “Imagine,” you’ll get a good idea of my views in far more eloquent words—although I still don’t agree with his line about no possessions—it’s too socialist and unrealistic.

The Gay Black Jew believes that even if there is a god in a place called heaven, judging those who die, he is rejecting hard-core Christians because they saturated their lives with so much unecessary guilt they couldn't enjoy life nearly as much as they should have. And so they will burn for an eternity.

Wouldn’t that be ironic?

Editor's Note: The Gay Black Jew wishes to thank Black Sun for his much-needed help with this essay.