Are smokers more resistant to smoke inhalation?

RALEIGH, NC–Smokers received some rare positive health news yesterday when one-man research firm One Nation Under Tobacco (1NUT) released the results of a two-year study

Five years ago, the 1NUT scientist John Mayberry designed an experiment to test his theory about the benefits of smoking.

One hundred young chimpanzees were taught to smoke cigarettes supplied by Phillip Morris. Another one hundred chimpanzees did not smoke. All other factors were held constant between the two test groups.

After two years, both the experimental smoking group and control non-smoking group were thrown into an empty two-story home that was then set on fire.

Ninety of the smoking chimpanzees escaped the fire, while only 52 of the non-smoking chimpanzees made it out alive. Mayberry cautioned that, due to the size and design of the study, the margin of error was plus or minus 9.7 chimpanzees. Still, the results were deemed statistically significant.

The study seems to suggest that human smokers would enjoy a similar advantage. “It appears that the lungs of smokers are conditioned to better withstand the effects of inhaling smoke from a fire,” Mayberry claimed.

Compared to non-smoking chimps, Mayberry found that smoking chimps caught in the fire had a few extra seconds before they succumbed to smoke inhalation. He recorded respiratory data from the two groups of primates during their desperate struggle to exit the house.

As the 1NUT study showed, those crucial seconds can mean the difference between life and death during a fire.
The results of the experiment were met with great enthusiasm from tobacco companies.

Last night Philip Morris announced plans for a joint ad campaign with other cigarette manufacturers. The estimated $400 million campaign will promote the message: “Smoke for Safety.”

“You never know when fire is going to strike,” Phillip Morris CEO Stan Boorstin said of the upcoming campaign. “But by smoking at least a pack of our life-saving cigarettes each day, your lungs will always be ready. Don’t leave yourself unprotected. Smoke for Safety.”